“You Did That!?”
(Dating in the City Part 4)
Let’s face it, no matter how much we may think that we’re relationship pros, all of us have opened our mouths and inserted our proverbial foot! Often, we know when we’ve committed this error, but it’s just as likely that we don’t know. So, let’s examine some common mistakes that both men and women make, and how you can recover and save your relationships.
Mistake #1: The Unknown Insult
Everything’s going along fine until you say something like “_______ is so stupid, I can’t believe anyone would do/like that!” and your SO fails to laugh it off.
The Save: Admit your mistake and show that you accept full responsibility. Denying any wrong doing when your SO is visibly irritated won’t build trust. Then, use your verbal blooper to learn more about your SO. Ask them why your comment was offensive and listen/probe to learn more about what makes them tick.
Mistake #2: The “Ex” Factor
Some things are better left unsaid and exes fall into that category! Constant referrals to them whether negative or positive will erode any relationship.
The Save: Give up the ghost of exes past. With the exception of rebound relationships, your ex should be but a distant memory. Even if you’re still good friends with your exes, have respect for your current relationship and give the chatter about your ex a rest.
Mistake #3:”Platonic” friends
Yes, we all have platonic friends, but if you’re making more time for your platonics than your SO, issues will arise.
The Save: Learn to strike a healthy balance between platonics and SO’s. There is something a ‘lil odd about you wanting to spend more time with a man/woman who isn’t your SO. Coincidently, this mistake also applies to people who spend too much time with same sex friends.
Mistake #4: The Recluse
You never want to take or go out with your SO, or introduce them to any of your friends.
The Save: Stop being a recluse! If you’re not willing to be seen with your SO by people that you know, then why are you with him or her? And just incase you’re curious, your SO will think this way too.
Mistake #5: Dropping the “L Bomb” too soon
You’re in love and you want to shout it from the roof tops! But your SO isn’t feeling quite as amorous as you are.
The Save: Accept and understand that not everyone feels as strongly or as quickly as you do. Admit that you have feelings for your SO, but reassure them that there’s no pressure for them to claim love ASAP. (This also means that you’re not allowed to ask them “why don’t you love me”)
Mistake #6: The possessive lover
It’s great to want to spend time with someone. It’s not cool to try to control their time.
The Save: Back off!! No one needs a second father or mother. Respect the fact that people are entitled to time that doesn’t necessarily have to involve work or you! If you’re that needy, get a pet, they’ll always need you.
So these are just a few of the most common mistakes that people make, and these have a tendency to drive people away. As long as you make sure that you give your SO plenty of space when requested, and that you have respect for them, their time and the relationship, you should find that your SO will be very happy with you indeed!
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