"First Impressions Matter"
(When Dating Takes a Turn For the Worst)
Everyone knows that within the first few minutes of a date, each party of the date has decided whether or not they want to see the other person again. Of course, sometimes that view changes after someone redeems themselves during the course of the date. But one thing that remains a constant in the dating world is that regardless of what else you say on a date, a first impression can make or break your chances of turning a first date into a steady relationship. So, let’s take a closer look at first impressions, why they are so important, and how you can make sure you score an “A+” in this arena of your next first date!
First impressions are usually formed within the first five to ten minutes of a date or less. And often, something as harmless as accidental body language can sabotage the date, making it hard to rectify your unknown mistake for the rest of the date! A good example of accidental sabotage, a person who’s so nervous that they avoid all eye contact with their date. Sure, you’re nervous, but to your date, you seem odd. Avoiding eye contact is a sign that you have something to hide, and maybe you’re hiding something huge like, you’re already married, or you have five children and you don’t want anyone to find out!
How to rectify this situation, go on practice dates. Everyone by now should know about speed dating. It’s a great way to meet roughly thirty or more potential dates in the course of an hour or more. Of course, it would be great if you met someone nice while you’re practicing your dating skills, but that’s not the point of this exercise. The point here is to learn to look people in the eye and not just stare once, but maintain eye contact without seeming like a stalker in training. If after trying out your skills on thirty people, you’re still inept with body language, hire a date doctor!
Another big faux paus in dating, being so nervous that you don’t sell yourself correctly, or adequately to your date. Of course, it’s always a little unsettling to have to basically present all of your greatest assets and aspects to a total stranger in the course of three hours or less (the usual length of time spent on a first date), but that’s just life. A first date is like a job interview. The job you’re hunting for is a relationship that will either turn into something long term or at the very least hone in your skills for the next relationship.
With that in mind, remember that, if you were in an office applying for a top notch position, you certainly wouldn’t want to present a sweaty and stammering individual to your potential employer. Likewise, don’t do this on a date. Often, you only have one chance to really sell yourself, and insecurity, no matter how well intentioned your thoughts are, isn’t sexy by any stretch of the imagination. Stammering and sweating is a sign that you’re not sure that your qualities are really that strong to attract anyone to want to spend copious amounts of time with you. And you can bet your next Starbucks cup of joe that your date WILL pick up on the fact that you’re very insecure.
The remedy…RELAX. Don’t act like this date is the only date you’ll ever have in your life. Desperation is not sexy and no one wants to be around that. Part of selling yourself to someone whether in the office or at the restaurant, is confidence. Without coming across as conceited, present yourself as someone who knows that you have qualities and assets that your date just can’t possibly ignore.
So if all of this information seems like a swarm of “do’s” and “don’ts” that don’t seem to make sense, here are some quick pointers for you to write down on your “First Date Cheat Sheet”:
Eye contact is key: Don’t stare like a stalker, but maintaining eye contact instills trust and confidence.
Smile: Smiles are considered naturally attractive. So, unless you look like someone who should spend some serious time with a dentist, try a smile.
Try some humor: Don’t let your date get too heavy! Interject some funny stories of experiences that happened to you, we’re sure your date will smile!
Be a good listener: No one wants to spend time with someone who’s self absorbed. So, pay attention to what you’re date is saying and give responses that show you’ve been paying attention.
Be body language positive: Don’t slouch and don’t scratch your neck consistently through the night. Look relaxed, not nervous and shifty!
Be tactile: Do this sparingly! Touch your date’s shoulder or hand throughout the date, but don’t act like your groping them!
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